When I look at this season of True Blood, I think of the time my mother, sister, and I were the only ones riding a Tilt-A-Whirl at a county fair in Pennsylvania. The operator of the ride worked the controls to maximize our spinning. I choose to believe he did that because he thought we’d enjoy it, not so I would get pinned to the back of my seat and wouldn’t be able to breathe and my mother would get so sick she’d end up missing most of the concert we were there to see later that night. The True Bloodwriters had good intentions, I’m sure, when they separated the show’s characters this season: the actors would be serviced with their individual story lines and fans would have more arcs to ponder. But really, it’s felt like we’ve been spinning in a circle when we’d rather have just headed in one direction. With this episode, the story lines finally started to merge. Is it just in time or too little too late? Let’s dig in.
At the Authority HQ, Bill heard his called, and it led him to the Room O’ Lilith. After some of her shrieking, she appeared in all her bloody, naked glory. “Only one can lead us. I choose you,” she said. “Drink the blood. Drink it all.” He wouldn’t do it. Why, I’m not sure. She shrieked again, and she was gone. Only a bloody hand print was left on the glass case that housed her blood. Bored now, Lilith. Nora, meanwhile, was having flashbacks to spirit Godric’s message about Lilith being a Godless god before Lilith killed him. Salome thought Nora might be having doubts, but Nora assured her she wasn’t. Salome kissed Nora’s forehead, and Nora pulled her in for a real kiss. The look on Nora’s face as she walked away told us she’d done that so Salome would think her loyal.
Loyalty is the name of the game at the Authority. Jessica wanted to borrow Bill’s phone to warn Jason that Newlin is on the loose with Russell. And Sookie, too. Bill told Jessica his belief in Lilith has allowed him to see Sookie, Jason, and the others in Bon Temps as food only. Jessica told him she’d make Jason a vampire because the vampire Bible says the greatest gift you can give a human is to turn them and it’d be good for her and Jason’s relationship. Bill’s less easily fooled than Nora. He called her on it. He ordered two men to fly her to Bon Temps in a helicopter so she could sire Jason immediately. How could he require other vamps to become makers and not her? Someone needs to kick Bill square in the nuts.
Cut to Eric. He’d do! Eric, looking tired and/or hungry, was pacing in his deep-purple decorated room, which is definitely preferable to Bill and Salome’s loud red suite. Nora came to him, and they embraced. Then the clothes started to come off. She straddled him on the bed and begged “Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me” as they started to have sex. “What are we gonna do?” she asked. “I’ll get us out of here,” Eric said, and flipped her over onto the bed in vamp speed. So… that felt like a strange time to have sex, right? I have two theories: 1) If anyone was listening in on their conversation, they wanted it to be harder to decipher through the moans. 2) When you’re feeling that alone and hopeless and find someone who’sfinally on your side again, you want to feel that close to them, for both momentary comfort and distraction. I didn’t expect we’d have time for another sex scene in the show with all the wars raging, so I’ll take it.
General Cavanaugh, with whom Roman had been working on mainstreaming for 20 years, came to the Authority because Roman had been ducking his calls. At first, they didn’t tell him Roman was gone. Cavanaugh said the government knew it was the Authority who’d bombed the Tru Blood factories, and there were now high level talks at the Pentagon about how to eradicate vamps from the face of the planet.
Cavanaugh was then told the truth about Roman and the new regime. His thoughts: “You psychotic bloodsuckers.” He remained calm because he had something on them: video of Russell and Newlin eviscerating 22 frat boys. If anything happens to him, that video goes wide, he said. The government was prepared for this revolt. It has weapons they’ve never seen. He started to leave, and Eric caught up to him. He snapped his neck. The plan: Eric would go on a glamouring campaign and erase all memory of the tape even existing. Nora said she knew the general’s chief of staff, so if they acted quickly, they could contain the situation. Salome told them to go. Bill looked suspicious and said they should take a security detail for back up. Damn you, Bill!
While that was going down, Sookie and Jason decided she’d stay at the Moulin Rouge, where she was safe from Warlow, and he went back to Bon Temps. Jessica and Bill’s men were waiting outside his house. She tried to hint that he should just go along with whatever she was saying, but he wasn’t catching on. One of the men said he’d turn Jason if she didn’t. She told Jason to trust her, and she bit. When we came back to them, Jessica and Jason were lying in a grave and the two men were shoveling dirt on them. Jessica apologized to an unconscious Jason and told him he’d wake up a vampire. As the men discussed whether they should pick up takeout on their way back, Jessica whispered “Do it,” and Jason shot them each with a wooden bullet. Excellent splatter!
Jessica gave Jason a barebones explanation, and wanted him to know that if she had to spend eternity with someone at this point, it would be him. He didn’t have time to deal with that. He had to go warn Sookie about Russell and Newlin. Jessica needed to run, too. I was thinking she had to go to Pam. For starters, it brings these story lines back together — FINALLY. And really, Jessica has no one else. Plus, she has that information on Eric’s whereabouts to bargain with. But was there a worse place for her to hide than Eric’s bar, where an Authority-appointed sheriff had just been killed?
When we caught up with Eric and Nora, they were in the backseat of an SUV being driven by two men. Eric asked if the men minded if he changed the radio station. When he leaned up between them to do that, he staked them both. Blood everywhere on the windshield! It’s as if the show is trying to make up for Roman’s disappointing ick factor when he met the true death. You’re not forgiven yet. Keep it coming. Before Eric and Nora flew the scene — literally — Nora ripped off her Authority necklace, and Eric smiled the happiest smile ever. The red light turned green. Go time. That was the last we saw them. Where were they headed? To check on Sookie? (Will they be what stops Russell from feeding on the faerie strippers in the finale?)
Sookie was introduced to the Faerie Elder, the oldest faerie to escape through the portal. She’s been through so many realms, taking so many forms and talking so many languages, that she can’t focus. She was like my three-year-old niece dancing on that stage, so it was fitting that Sookie bowed to her like a child. “Ke$ha, for or against?” she asked Sookie, who said she doesn’t know her music well enough to have an opinion. Anyway, the Elder knew John Stackhouse, who she said was a land owner and “a bit of a creep.” Sookie asked if she knew why John would have made that deal with Warlow. “John Cougar Mellencamp. For or against?” Against, Sookie said. (Why? That I would have liked explored.)
The Elder said there was a reason why Sookie “sluts” her heart out to any cute guy with fangs. The Elder’s, Sookie’s, and Warlow’s destinies are intertwined, she said. A dark time is coming, and Sookie would be tested. She told Sookie to hold onto her light. As long as faeries control their light, they’ll be free. “Boyz II Men, for or against?” the Elder asked. For, Sookie said. (Correct answer.) The Elder was possibly about to tell Sookie something important about Warlow when they heard Jason screaming for Sookie. He was pulled into the Moulin Rouge and told Sookie that Russell and Newlin were coming for her, and Bill and Eric had found vampire religion and wouldn’t save her. The Elder freaked out that Russell was still alive.
At Merlotte’s, Holly was working at least. When Andy came in to get his breakfast to go, she took him to a booth where her sons were sitting. One apologized for putting his butt on Facebook and said Andy was making his mom happier than their father ever had, so he was going to give him a chance. The other wasn’t ready to forgive Andy for making him need therapy. Andy sat down and promised the kids he’d do right by their mother for as long as she’d have him. They each shook his hand, though they denied him a fist bump and a high-five. Good for Andy! You knew it wouldn’t last though…
Over at Alcide’s dad’s trailer, Alcide was outside doing some form of nondescript manual labor that required him to be shirtless. A man named Robert Rollins, who hadn’t seen Alcide since he was a pup, came to warn them that baby vamps are forming packs to hunt and they’re headed their way. Alcide’s dad wasn’t worried. They’re putting up a silver-plated fence. Ah, that’s why Alcide was hitting an axe into the ground, to loosen it. We found out Alcide believes his dad was kicked out of his pack because he stole money from it. Why? What did he use it for? Do we even care? No, not yet. But at least Alcide got pissed off enough to go back to using his axe.
Back at the Moulin Rouge, Sookie, still being shot from the chest up to avoid Anna Paquin’s baby bump, was trying to convince the faeries that after Russell came for her, he’d come for them, so they better fight together now. Maurella said it would be suicide, but the Elder said they had to do it anyway. Back in the field, Jason was ready to do whatever his part entailed. As QB1, he learned that the best defense was a good offense — it’s game time, he said. Shooting Sookie from the chest up or back only was fairly distracting in that scene, but the desperation and determination in Jason’s eyes fought to keep you in the moment.
Back at Merlotte’s again, Lafayette and Arlene were working the lunch shift. Terry and Arlene were all lovey-dovey, so I guess everything is totally cool now that he’s killed Patrick and the Ifrit is gone. Sure, why not. Let’s pretend it never happened. Andy, of course, was asking them how they make love last when Maurella walked in to reveal she was pregnant. She said Andy had sworn to protect her and their offspring. He apparently accepted her light into him, which is why she slept with him — twice. He told her about Holly and that he’d feel more comfortable with someone in his own species. She said to ignore the “light pact” would bring great dishonor to her and her clan — and it’s an act of war. FATAL ATTRACTION! My new theory: Maurella doesn’t want faeries to help Sookie or humans with their vamp problems. She saw the dark times coming and used Andy: Now she can argue Andy’s abandonment of her is an excuse to let humans fight their own battles.
At Fangtasia, Jessica filled Pam and Tara in more on Authority HQ, and Pam said she was describing nest behavior. Vamps who live together and feed on each other’s blood become sadistic and crazy. Drinking Lilith’s blood made them a nest on steroids. Pam said she wasn’t worried about Eric. Jessica thanked her for letting her stay there. “Totally,” Pam said. “Maybe later we can braid each other’s hair and talk about boys. F—-in’ baby vamps,” she quipped, walking away. That was a fantastic scene that followed between Tara and Jessica — they were behaving just like teenagers, which Jessica probably is still. Jessica asked if Tara “liked” Pam romantically, and Tara may have protested a bit too much. She said it would never happen. Jessica and Tara’s friendship just might be back on track now that Jessica admitted again she has no one to talk to and that she likes talking to Tara. Even if Tara goes crazy and kicks her ass every now and again she’ll heal because she’s a vamp, Jessica pointed out. Tara offered to bring her a fangbanger later. FRIENDS!
Rosalyn came into Fangtasia, checked out a young man (a Cougar Town nod, perhaps?), and told Tara she was looking for her progeny, Elijah. Tara tried to say he came in the night before, they paid their taxes, and he left, but Rosalyn knew better. She could smell his blood on Tara. A maker always knows when her progeny dies, she said. He was one of 204, but it’s still like a cold spike in your heart. Pam had forbidden Tara, as her maker, to talk about Elijah’s death again. So when Pam told Rosalyn that she did it, Tara could only watch as Rosalyn had the guards arrest Pam. (She did that to get near Eric, right?) Stupid Jessica wasn’t in her coffin. She was sneaking a peek from behind the door, and Rosalyn smelled her. “Your daddy’s lookin’ for you,” she said.
Back at the Authority, Lilith was waiting for Bill in his bedroom. “Only one can lead us. I choose you,” she said again. “I’m not worthy,” he said, kneeling. “Drink of me. Drink all of me,” she said. She put her bloody fingers on his lips. I hate you, Bill.
Happier thoughts: Alcide was busy watching a Campbell’s soup can turn in the microwave like he was a little kid again. Three baby vamps were at the gate, just learning about their healing powers. He could tell they were headed to another trailer, so Alcide got a shotgun and was off to play the hero. Next we saw them, the baby vamps were rocking this woman’s trailer as through they were in Once Bitten or Buffy the Vampire Slayer the movie. Alcide shot one, and it exploded. “When we die, we’re goo?” another said, truly horrified. Ha. The third baby vamp and the ‘goo’ guy attacked Alcide. He handled himself pretty well. His shirt started coming undone, so I was willing to let this go on for awhile. But Alcide’s dad showed up with a crossbow and took out the guy vamp before the girl vamp could bite Alcide’s neck. She escaped. Alcide’s hair was all messy, and he looked 14 again. His dad’s not a total dick! Hooray!
Back to Jason, he was standing guard outside Sookie’s house when Russell showed up, then Newlin, to make a “Hunk sandwich.” They asked where Sookie was, and Russell glamoured Jason into telling him. That was the game plan all along: Have Jason lead them to the faeries, who were ready for them.
Sam and Luna’s plan to free Emma ran into some problems. They made it to the cells, which were full of naked humans. They found Emma, who was caged in pup form, and Luna told her not to shift. When the guards came, Sam wanted he and Luna to shift and bolt, but she wouldn’t leave Emma again. When Sam heard “Chancellor Compton” was requesting his breakfast, he volunteered to go.
Bill meanwhile, was on his way to visit bottle o’ Lilith, and when he arrived, he saw Kibwe kneeling to worship. He said Lilith had chosen him. Bill beheaded him and said Lilith had chosen him.
Pam passed Sam on her way to the cells, and they asked what the f—- each other was doing there. Hilarious. Apparently the guards were taking Sam the long way to Bill, because Bill had time to meet with Jessica after he washed Kibwe’s blood off his hands. Bill demanded to know why she’d chosen a human over two vampires who were under his command. He sent Jessica flying when she said f—- Lilith (paraphrasing) and that Pam had told her Bill was in a nest and it’s making him crazy. He stood over her and said he’s the Chosen One. Cut to Lilith repeating her same schpeel on Salome elsewhere in the compound. Why would Lilith want them all to kill each other? Does she need a certain amount of Chancellor blood to flow before she can fully walk in this world again (and maybe put on some clothes)?
Back in the field, Russell and Newlin darted around orgasmically as they smelled the faerie in the air. Finally, Russell grabbed Jason and said he’d tear him apart if Sookie didn’t show herself. Sookie wanted them to all go. Instead, the Elder went out. Newlin charged her, and she zapped him away. “Impressive. You are turbocharged,” Russell said. She said she was banishing Russell to the “realms and beyond,” but when she threw her light, Russell made sure it hit Jason instead, and Jason went flying. I guess she couldn’t recharge quick enough. Russell drank from her and she withered, then dissolved into sparks. “Sweet merciful f—-, that was delicious,” Russell said. “Heaven, thy name is faerie.” I thought maybe the Elder had planned to be a martyr when she heard Russell was still around and laced her blood with something. Probably not. I doubt she’d want him to be able to see the entrance to the Moulin Rouge and all the faeries crowded inside. “Why, thank you so much,” Russell said. “I’d love to come to dinner.” He darted toward them, and the credits rolled.